Good Grief: Are You Mislabeling Your Emotions?

By: Brooke Keith

When we sit and think on the topic of grief, very rarely do we think of a grief that is not permanent. So many times, I see clients in my pastoral office, and they come in angry with their lives. They may come in sad or anxious. That’s a very typical day for me. From marriage struggles to the loss of who we thought we were or who we thought someone else to be, grief is a very real topic even when the loss is not “permanent.”

The life of a minister lends itself to being no stranger to funeral homes or celebrations of life for those in the community. But more often than not, while I see people in my office who are mad, sad, anxious or disappointed… I wait for them to see that underneath it all is frequently a profound sense of loss. Often, we don’t allow ourselves to feel these big feelings because we don’t want to feel ungrateful especially when God has brought us through so much or gifted us with so many blessings. We may be afraid that God will be let down if we are not grateful for the lesson, for what He has done, and we may feel that grieving the living is dramatic. I promise it’s not and it is quite common.  

Learning to not compare grief, even trauma, can be tough. It’s true that someone always has it worse than you but that isn’t your life. This is. And the grief that is BIG to you is BIG to you… and that’s ok. And it needs to be acknowledged. Jesus once poignantly said, “And then you will know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” So, what’s your truth? What are you grieving? What do you wish still was or what do you wish not? There is no wrong answer.

Even if it has been decades. Let yourself grieve. Let yourself learn to let go at your own pace. Let God help.  

This is your PSA. God is not mad at you. You are not ungrateful. You can feel big feelings without what you think is a big event. You can also grieve the living. And the beautiful part is that God will meet you right where you are smack dab in the midst of the mess.

If you require assistance while navigating through difficulties, I would be delighted to meet with you in my virtual office to provide spiritual guidance, comfort, and support for your healing journey.

With love,

Pastor Brooke